Follow
Share

When I found this forum I asked for advice on how to go about forcing the issue to place my mother in a rehab/nursing home facility if she continued to be resistant. It doesn't matter anymore, my mother took a turn for the worse and I received a call yesterday morning about the new issue. The doctor explained that my mom's hemoglobin had dropped to 5.4 and they wanted permission to give her blood. He also indicated that they wanted to do a ct scan and ultrasound of her abdominal area, specifically her kidneys. This morning they called me to tell me they had discovered a bleed in the back of her abdominal cavity. Her hemoglobin had also dropped again, losing close to the total volume (2 units) she had been given yesterday morning. The only way to pinpoint and repair the bleed was to do a 2nd ct scan but with contrast dye this time and do a surgical procedure similar to a heart catherization. Her creatinine was at 2.4 which indicated she was already near the borderline of complete renal failure. If the dye were used, it would completely destroy her kidneys necessitating lifetime dialysis. She is firmly against dialysis as is the rest of the family. The only other surgical option was for an exploratory type surgery to find the bleed. However it would take several hours and she is not strong enough. Therefore having that knowledge I did agree for her to have another transfusion (1 unit) to give me time to talk with my family. As of 10:30 am, my mother is now on end of life, comfort care. She will not receive any more transfusions, some of her medications will be taken away. They cannot do any treatments for the express purpose of prolonging her life and they cannot take any heroic measures to save her life. The conference call making these decisions was in her room, I did talk to her for a few minutes. She knows, she understands and I heard acceptance in her voice. Now I just need to find the strength and make peace with my decision and to accept it myself and maybe, hopefully help my family to find peace and acceptance as well. They are attempting with my mom's agreement to place her in the facility of our choice to complete her journey.

Find Care & Housing
Thank you all. As of today, she is still holding her own, still having alert time periods and still in good spirits. She is still having confusion over why she is in the hospital although it has been explained multiple times by family members and medical personnel. I believe that the section of her brain that stores this type of information is the area that was affected by her stroke. She also has slurring in her voice and sounds weak but I guess that is to be expected. I found out today they have not actually started her on the different regimen of meds. The plan is to transition her to that when she leaves the hospital. I did authorize the doctors to change those meds at any time they feel it necessary while she remains in the hospital. It's sounds horrible and I by no means want my mom to enter a state of suffering but I am hoping she makes it past this coming Saturday. My daughter's birthday is Friday, she is the eldest grandchild, we lived with my parents about 2 years through two separate time periods when my kids were infants and toddlers. They have always been very close, I am very worried for my daughter's mental and emotional health . She will be 36 this week but as every mother can relate she's still my baby. Of course we have no control, no idea when it will happen just that it will in God's time of course. Please pray for us, pray that we have the strength, the courage to get through this dark period and someday find the light again.
(1)
Report

Be assured you and mom have made the merciful decision. God bless and help you through this time.
(1)
Report

((((hugs))))) this is so hard but the right thing to do. Hope they find the right facility and you are at peace about it.
(1)
Report

For me, making the decision about hospice was easy; peace and acceptance were harder.
But in the end, my mother's passing was peaceful and painless, and that was the best last gift I could give her. She was so tired; it was time.
I am so sorry this is happening to you and mom, especially now with the holidays looming.
Please know you're not alone in this journey.
Peace to you and mom.
(1)
Report

I’m sorry and I wish you all peace
(1)
Report

I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you get time to share your love with your mother in the time she has left here on this earth.
(1)
Report

How heartbreaking for you! I’m so sorry to hear this. Prayers and best wishes for you both for comfort and peace.
(1)
Report

This is so fast. This is so hard, and just honestly a shock. I am so relieved that you knew/know/understand her wishes, that you will not go forward with an attempt at dialysis, surgery, blood pouring in, all the end just more torment. I am so relieved you are opting for comfort care in this end stage. This is a perfect example of knowing and understanding what a parent would not have wanted in going on and on to no good end, and to much torment. Nevertheless, when things happen this quickly it is a tremendous shock. I am so sorry for this sad news for you.
(1)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
OurNewsletter